asterios kokkinos
geoffrey golden
rob asaro
adam daroff
eric larnick
jenni powell
rob morrisonfighter hayabusa to donald rumsfeld: “I’m sick of your daiben!”
| written by mike on 09/19/06 | leave a comment |
a while back donald rumsfeld gave a speech in front of the american legion during which he equated the millions of americans who oppose the war in iraq with the governments who appeased hitler during ww2.
tough talk. tough talk indeed. i cannot help but be reminded of my many pro wrestling championship matches against my greatest enemy, the amazon. the only difference, donald rumsfeld, is that while the amazon’s piranha bite tears through the flaky layers of my head, your words tear through the crustier and crustier layers of our democracy.
that’s why i was heartened when my assistant, assistant miyagashi, came across the fantastic video of keith olbermann calling you out on his wonderful program, the countdown. in this video olbermann-san acted - if only for one day - like an invincible warrior. and should know, because i am also an invincible warrior.
donald rumsfeld, i know what you are thinking: that i am confused. that i am an 8-bit man living in a real universe. well, all i can say is talk like that will get you a back brain kick to the back of the brain, courtesy of me - fighter hayabusa - the next time we meet. until that time, let me just say this:
donald rumsfeld, i am sick of your daiben!
filed under politics, video games: nintendo
crossover: WWF wrestler sgt. slaughter joins G.I. joe
| written by mike on 08/30/06 | leave a comment |
video: a commercial for the sgt. slaughter action figure, staring sgt. slaughter.
history tells us that our greatest heroes are born out of the most dire of circumstances. this lesson was proven yet again when wwf wrestler sgt. slaughter temporarily left the world of sports entertainment to conquer the threat of cobra-la.
in 1986 (exactly 20 years ago!) dr. mindbender, an evil scientist under cobra employ, was able to successfully extract the dna of famous historical military leaders and create a new super-soldier, which he named serpentor.* that was bad enough. but then he invented an air chariot and a snake suit, and shit really hit the fan. it wasn’t long before serpentor wrested control of cobra away from cobra commander. war broke out. i was 6.
meanwhile our best hope, the g.i. joe team, was crumbling from within. years of fighting an inept enemy had taken their toll, and the joes had grown soft. roadblock went blind. duke’s half brother falcon was a retard.
but along came slaughter, leader of the mercenary team “the renegades,” to quell the crisis of confidence that plagued the joes. cobra was defeated, serpentor vanquished (temporarily), and sgt. slaughter took his rightful place among the pantheon of g.i. joe greats.
that is, until he rejoined the WWF, and became an iraqi sympathizer during gulf war I (true story). but thats a tale for another post. good night, america.
* for a complete list of the genetic templates used in serpentor’s creation, please visit the wikipedia page on serpentor.
filed under crossovers, tv kids shows: 80's, wrestling
was (not was) was awesome
| written by mike on 08/29/06 | leave a comment |
at the age of seven i somehow came into the possession of a whole box full of 8-minute cassette tapes containing the same subway sandwich jingle 16 times (i don’t remember much of it, except that it was very soulful and catchy as hell). the tapes weren’t good for much until you turned the tape over to the other side, and then suddenly they were good for 8 full minutes of mix tape bliss. “walk the dinosaur” was my favorite song back then, and naturally became the first song i ever taped off the radio onto a cassette.
this song is tremendous for many reasons, but mostly because it makes no sense whatsoever. my friend dave told me that “walking the dinosaur” had something to do with some sex act or masturbation, and i believed him. but looking back over the lyrics now, i can find no evidence of that. just an excuse to come up with a nifty new dance, as far as i can tell. was (not was) released a new album this year, and recently starting touring again too, meaning the opportunity to tape “walk the dinosaur” off the radio may yet again present itself. for all things was, check out
worldwidewas.
filed under music: 80s
obey saget
| written by mike on 08/25/06 | leave a comment |
“full house” was THE iconic snapshot of our times - a kind of episodic “american gothic” best enjoyed over little debbie swiss rolls and a tall, cool glass of ekto cooler. true to its name, the house was jam-packed with a colorful collection of characters: dj, stephanie, baby michelle, jesse, joey gladstone, and sexy rebecca donaldson. and who better than to bring them all together than everyman danny tanner? tanner wasn’t the flashiest member of “the house,” but he brought the family together (like the black lion from “voltron”).
but soon danny tanner wasn’t danny tanner anymore. he had a real name - bob saget - and a new show - “america’s funniest home videos.” over the years, as we grew, bob saget grew with us. soon he became just “saget” like some kind of mythical warrior or comic book hero. both of which he was. and still is. and forever will be.
look, saget is great. we all know this. but how often do you stop and pay your respects to his greatness? never, right? well now you can. a good friend of mine over at tifaux has set up a saget site, www.obeysaget.com, that finally does the man justice. check out saget links, buy saget merch, and post your own Saget myth. go there now and enjoy. but remember: obey saget.
filed under tv comedy: 90s