hail to the pretend chief: top 10 fictional presidents
written by daroff on 07/21/08

we’ve all sat back and mused about our favorite fictional characters becoming president. what if jack bauer was president, wouldn’t he kick so much ass? or what if those meat heads from predator got into politics? these are characters from all walks of fiction that took on the office with strength of character or sheer strength of fist. this is fiction’s executive branch of awesome, the 10 most kickass presidents of all pretend time.

#10 - president jack ryan (debt of honor, executive orders, the bear and the dragon)

tom clancy made a career out of turning analyst jack ryan into the world’s biggest bad ass. somehow, having taken down the russians, the i.r.a., and the drug cartels, clancy had nothing left to do but make jack president. remember how bad ass harrison ford was in patriot games and clear and present danger or how much smarter than everyone else alec baldwin was in the hunt for red october. had it not been for the affleck connection, jack ryan could have been number 1.

#9 - president charles logan (24, season 5)

one of the most exciting moments i have ever had watching tv was in season 5 of 24 when it’s revealed that the president, this bumbly, mumbly lump of a man, was behind the terrorist attacks. he wasn’t your average supervillain, though. he didn’t have some master plan. it was like he was playing bad guy just like he was playing being president. that just made him even more bad ass.

#8 - presidents russell kramer & matt douglas (my fellow americans)

these guys proved that even if you’re an old man who has been ushered around by the secret service for the last 20 years, you can still take down dan quayle.

#7 - dave kovic (dave)

dave wasn’t actually president. he was just filling in for president bill mitchell while he had an adultery-related stroke. with no political career to worry about losing, he dedicated his fake presidency to finding everyone a job. that’s freakin’ bad ass.

#6 - president thomas “tug” benson (hot shots: part deux)

oh the nineties, when the idea of having an idiotic buffoon as president was funny and not tragically depressing.

#5 - president david palmer (24, seasons 2 & 3)

in season 6, his brother wayne’s presidency involves getting blown up, then rising from his coma to stop his racist vice president from getting in jack bauer’s way. that’s pretty bad ass, but david palmer displayed something more solid, strength of character. he backed his druggy, murdering son. he stopped a coup that would have started world war iii, and when he discovered his crazy evil wife was a manipulative murdering type of crazy, he dropped out of his re-election campaign, rather than live that sort of life. no real president would ever do that, and that’s why i love him.

#4 - president thomas whitmore (independence day)

(1) he flew a fucking fighter jet, against aliens. (2) “today we celebrate our independence day!”

#3 - president james marshall (air force one)

in the opening scene of this movie, he says to all terrorists everywhere that he’s going to kick their asses. he then spends the rest of the movie actually doing that. if terrorists took over clinton’s or bush’s plane, they’d cower in the corner. president marshall hung around to kick some ass and take back what was rightfully his, a boeing 747. i asked before what if jack bauer was president. i’m sure it’d go something like this movie.

#2 - presidents andrew shepard & josiah bartlett (the american president, the west wing)

presidents shepard and barlett come from different backgrounds, but they share writer aaron sorkin’s unwaivering devotion to the ideals of the united states. they represent a fictional world where a man of character could rise through the devious political world to the highest office in the land. they challenge us to accept that our idealogical rivals share the same freedom of speech we do. they remind us the easy course and the right course are rarely ever the same. they make us long for a time when those out there with an honest desire to serve the good of this country will rise up, take over, and push out those who stand for everything this country was founded to escape.

#1 - lex luthor (superman, dc comics)

fuck ass kicking. fuck idealism. nothing is more bad ass than a well-known super villain getting elected president. this is a guy whose record includes designing and building several different kryptonite-based weapons in order to kill the one man whose only job is to stop crime, and trying to blow up the very country he now leads. superman is the ultimate american symbol, and the guy who wants him dead is president. then when bruce wayne discovers how evil luthor is, president lex makes batman an enemy of the state. with luthor as president, dc heroes don’t fight for truth, justice, and the american way, they’re actually fighting against america. nothing, i repeat, nothing is more bad ass than turning the entire dc universe of heroes into terrorists. that’s right, terrorists. if you’re anti-luthor, you’re anti-america, and that makes you a terrorist. and chisel-chinned superman is right at the top of that axis of evil.

luthor for america!

2 comments


filed under comics, movies, movies: 80s, movies: 90's, politics, sci-fi, television, tv dramas: 90's

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2 comments

  1. Alex Jul 22

    Tough to beat Lex Luthor, I’d say.

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