an open letter to ExtenZe, for natural male enhancement
written by daroff on 06/25/08

dear ExtenZe,

since the popularity of viagara, many pills have come out with the goal of improving on the rather imperfect male organ, the penis. my experience with these pills comes solely from their marketing, and i have to say your product has possibly the worst marketing i’ve ever seen. the video below actually isn’t bad, but it’s the highlight of an abysmal publicity campaign.

first off, the name extenze is on the nose enough, why the odd punctuation? were you afraid you’d be confused with enzyte, whose marketing campaign based on fifties sitcoms is possibly the most hilariously brilliant thing i’ve ever seen? i imagine you went with the odd capitalization ExtenZ to make people think of the late 90’s sci-fi movie ExistenZ . this makes absolutely no sense because ExistenZ is almost entirely based around a device that looks like a vagina. natural male enhancement isn’t a vaginal subject. were you just trying to be hip, ten years ago?

secondly, there is no reason for everyone in your infomercial to talk about “that certain part of the male body.” i will capitalize this next part so you don’t miss it, THAT CERTAIN PART OF THE MALE BODY IS CALLED A PENIS. there, i said it. penis, penis, penis. medical shows say it all the time because it’s a medical term. penis, vagina, these are okay words when discussing pills and other medications. i would understand if one or two of the characters in your infomercial were a little sheepish, but the bimbos say it, the himbos say it, even the fucking doctor says it. stop beating around the bush and tell me your pill, based somehow on a jennifer jason leigh movie, is gonna make my dick bigger.

and finally, unlike the enzyte commercials, whose subtle humor would make any intelligent man give your pill a second thought, you’ve decided to go the idiot route. your commercials and infomercials present this problem as though we’ve never thought of it before. seriously, did you think guys weren’t aware that women want bigger penises? we don’t need man on the street interviews, testimonials, and fake talk show setups to learn this. i think your entire ad campaign is directed at morons, which begs the question, why would we want idiots procreating? it makes more sense to make idiots sterile. let the dumb people peter out, so we can birth more people to take over the male enhancement field when your dumb asses are all dead from your post-retirement group orgies.

i don’t have a closing or a conclusion, just another video. see, ExtenZe, this is how to market a dick pill.

12 comments


filed under commercials, television

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12 comments

  1. curious.kitteh Jul 10

    Hi, great blog on helping men find there below the belt extension. We just launched a $250 penis pill video contest and it would be great to get your feedback on this at http://www.Zug.com

  2. HexenDarkside Jul 10

    I wasn’t aware that all this time Overtime Comedy was just a scam to make me buy male enhancement products. Products that I don’t need! I mean seriously, I don’t need them. Nope. Already satisfied… yup… just right… Uhhh.. But theres nothing wrong with a bit more… right? I mean if Overtime is selling… I might as well buy… I mean, JUST to help there business… WAIT! I MEAN NO! I want nothing more to do with this blog for helping men find their below the belt extension! Nothing! Well… maybe if you gave me a discount… Maybe I’m not… um… I mean… I’M HUNG LIKE A HORSE! USA! USA! Thanks for the info curious.kitteh! I now know where people who are secure in themselves need not go! (But… um… add my email address to the mailing list.)

  3. daroff Jul 10

    if your penis was really big, you wouldn’t need to tell everyone about it. now that i’ve adeptly undercut your self-esteem, you should buy some enzyte to get some of it back.

    don’t buy ExtenZe, though. their commercials suck.

  4. iknowthetruth Jul 11

    I know the truth!! That certain part of the male body is not the penis… it’s the testicles!!

    I GOT BIG BALLS, YOU GOT BIG BALLS, BUT THEY HAVE THE BIGGEST BALLS OF THEM ALL!

  5. HexenDarkside Jul 11

    You, sir, have got BALLS OF STEEL.
    BALLS. BALLS. BALLS. BALLS.

  6. atom Sep 5

    I found a way to finally make my dick not only bigger but huge. But my neighbors have started asking questions about the new and unusual amount limping midgets that seem to be frequently leaving my house.

  7. Peter B Mar 10

    I keep getting messages about getting a bigger penis so I have been looking around for the best site to learn more about it.

  8. noob Mar 25

    eXistenZ is a German film, XZ capitalized separates the “isten” which means “God” in Dutch. On the other hand ExtenZe capitalizes the EZ trying to signify that extending the length of your penis is an easy endeavor.

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