in an ironic turn of events, actors lark voorhies and dustin diamond have announced the birth of their first child, lisa samuel voorhies-diamond. voorhies told reporters, “i knew since we were children that dustin was in love with me, and it took me this long to realize i loved him back. i can’t wait for our beautiful wedding and look forward to many children to come. now we have an eternal reminder of the successful t.v. show that brought us together.”

diamond responded, “honestly, i didn’t know we’d had sex until she called me last week. all i remember was waking up naked in a hotel room in marseilles, france nine months ago. i still have no idea how i got to france, but now i have a pretty good idea.” this announcement comes on a heels of yet another failed attempt to produce a viable voorhies vehicle.

their wedding has been scheduled for this coming april 1 in las vegas, where the couple hopes many hijinks will ensue. the rest of the saved by the bell cast put out statements saying they’ll be busy that day, and dennis haskins put a full page ad in variety begging to be the best man.