please take a moment to read and sign my petition:

watching the opening to the ’90s fantastic four cartoon got me thinking. we should really update that dinosaur of a national treasure, mount rushmore. sure, george washington set a 200+ year precedent of a two-term president and prevent the office from becoming an elected king, thomas jefferson wrote the declaration of independence and doubled the size of our country, lincoln freed the slaves and managed to hold the country together, and teddy roosevelt ended the american tradition of isolationism and put us in a more advantageous position to win world war i.

but the fantastic four, defeated a giant, planet-devouring alien.

now if washington, jefferson, lincoln, and roosevelt could somehow manage to one up the fantastic four. but that makes one (ie- me) wonder if there is anything a president could do to best the fantastic four. perhaps they could join forces and form a diplomatic trade agreement with galactus. maybe in exchange for weapons or something, they could open up a sharing program wherein we retain a portion of the planets galactus devours. maybe they could overthrow galactus and replace him with a far worse planet devouring alien.

so please sign (ie- comment on) my petition to stop comedy writers from using every opportunity to make a not-so-subtle, totally uncreative, and wholly unfunny reference to the bush administration’s bungling of the iraq war. we get it, he fucked up.