this actually got boys some ass

it’s the summer of 1990 and a sweet fad is about to sweep across oak hill day camp. one day we’re all geared up to play baseball and basketball, and the next day we’re sitting in circles perfecting our box stitch. the fad wasn’t latent homosexuality, it was GIMP. somehow these strands of plastic held our attention for years. people had been trying to get boys into sewing and knitting for years. somehow gimp made it happen. how? i have no fucking clue.

maybe my derision comes from the fact that i was never very good at it. i did the zipper stitch, which is like braiding for retards, but anything more complicated, i shut down. while the cool kids made realistic and multi-colored vipers and other cool designs, i sat in the corner braiding my black and white gimp. that’s right, i wasn’t even cool enough for colors.

for some, gimp was a guy’s first foray into cheap gift giving. a dude has his eye on someone from the girl’s side of the camp, so he swipes some gimp from arts and crafts and throws together a bracelet. instant love connection. sure, when his buddies were around, he’d throw a bombardment ball at her head, but as long as she swore the bracelet he stitched himself, she knew he really cared. how could he not? it was pink and red. there’s no possible way he could have just guessed her favorite gimp colors.

and it’s just so much fun to say. try it. gimp gimp gimp gimp gimp.