he said: these guys hate the heart kid as much as i do

daroff:
as everyone who has ever read a book knows, there are four elements: earth, fire, wind, and water. however, every team that has ever combined into stuff has had five members. so in what i can only imagine was a desperate spit-balling session, they figured captain planet needed empathy. then came heart. ancient mythology, not to mention final fantasy games, are littered with creatures using the four elements. fighting an earth demon meant it was indestructable, and would probably throw rocks at you. fire demons throw fire. wind demons would blow you over. water demons would drown you. what would a heart demon do? not much. then they created a lame character to go with that lame power. ma-ti sucks.

jenni:
i have read a lot of books (thanks for insinuating that I don’t…) and i am aware that there are four elements (…and by that I mean, thanks for insinuating i am retarded) . but i am also aware that we, as feeling, thinking humans, are different from fire demons that throw rocks (really, that’s the best you could come up with?). and that is what makes ma-ti so special…that we would value our humanity so much as to put it on a level as high as nature itself. and just look at him, he’s adorable!

daroff:
feelings are all well and good, but do we really need a super hero who’s one-fifth emotion? voltron didn’t have a feelings lion. none of the power rangers needed heart. can you imagine how ridiculous this would have sounded: mastadon, pteradactyl, tyrannasaurus, heart? lots of super combining super hero teams did just fine without heart. the planeteers had rings that could basically fuck anything up they wanted. what did the heart kid ever do? i think one time he talked to an animal. oh yeah, and he had a monkey. that’s clever. while we’re on the subject, you don’t think slightly from that peter pan cartoon will be jealous you’re all up onz ma-ti?

jenni:
sure, the other super hero teams did “fine” without heart. but the planeteers not only did fine, they had the added bonus of humanity behind them. and you have to look at what the planeteers were trying to accomplish: the salvation of resources leading to the salvation of us all. that’s something you have to get people to believe in with something other than kicking monster’s asses with a tidal wave. when you really boil it down, ma-ti is the only actual TRUE planeteer…he’s all about loving the planet and preserving it. though the other planeteers represent what the planet is made up of, they don’t inherently represent anything that saves it. and slightly and i have an open relationship, thank you very much.

daroff:
let me just get this out of the way. “he is cute” and any other way of stating that is not a measure of anyone’s worth, unless we’re talking about super models or people whose worth is based solely on looks. being cute does not make him a good planeteer. being cute does however make him gratingly annoying as he attempts to be the cute, younger brother type character. that aside, are you honestly telling me the other four planeteers don’t have heart? they don’t need a physical embodiment of heart to have it. they are all strong of spirit, and that’s why gaia gave them the rings in the first place. yes, heart is important to saving the planet, but they didn’t need a whole planeteer to represent it. i think the other four planeteers would be insulted to find out that after all their planet-saving efforts, they aren’t really planeteers. according to you, nothing the rest of them did mattered. if he’s the only planeteer, i’d like to see him go off on his own and save the world. that would have been a great show. it lasts one five minute episode, and it ends with ma-ti having his ass handed to him by even the most minor villain. admittedly though, his monkey was cute, but that doesn’t count for much.

jenni:
you’re just jealous because i’d totally do ma-ti and not you. even if a ma-ti episode lasted 30 seconds and he had his ass handed to him by a mutant goblin, i would still be there to nurse him back to health. he’s a pimp son. but hey, i’m sure you could have the monkey.

daroff:
the truth comes out. it’s good to know you’re thinking about doing me. while i am flattered, i’m simply not interested. i prefer women with good taste, and you obviously don’t. back on topic, it’s good to know that ma-ti needs a girl to nurse him back to health. in the history of super hero shows, there has not been a single character who relies on proper health care to survive. why? because super heroes aren’t that lame. go ahead, keep talking. you just keep proving my point, sweet cheeks.

jenni:
if by “proving my point” you mean, “misreading what i said” then yeah, sure, i’m proving your point. my words were specifically that i absolutely would not do you, which is pretty much the opposite of thinking about doing you except for in the context that i think about not doing you so adamantly. so if THAT flatters you then…um, awesome i guess? and i think the fact that a woman would be willing to nurse ma-ti back to heath in a time of need is just another example of how he is superior to most superheros. the reason most superheros don’t need or want a woman to nurse them back to help is because they are created by misogynistic assholes who believe that woman are lesser beings. or else self-centered pricks who rely on strength and power to get what they want (this encompasses those superhero creators who try to prove they are pro-woman by creating female characters…who are basically just carbon-copies of the male characters with boobs). compare that with the complete selflessness, humility, and equality that mai-ti represents and it’s pretty clear who the real “superhero” is.

daroff:
look, all i’m saying is that it seems more likely that you want me to be jealous of you and ma-ti, than it is that i actually would be. but just keep on being defensive about it. as far as that long string of words you’re calling a point, if it’s mysoginistic for a hero to be smarter and/or more powerful than the villains he’s fighting, then sign me up. even so, batman and spider-man have been on occasion needed to be patched up by a woman. they also have some ability to fight evil effectively. ma-ti’s just an ineffective wuss. i’d address the rest of what you said, but i stopped caring half way through.

jenni:
basically what all this boils down to is that it sounds like you think sensitive, feeling, caring individuals cannot be heros. and i’m saying that in at least this case, it is not true. because ma-ti is a hero to at least one person and that is me.

daroff:
yes, i agree ma-ti is a hero, but compared to the other planeteers, he just doesn’t hold up. he’s like aquaman in the justice league. he has heroic qualities, but his powers are lame and he is, as a human being, gratingly annoying. we could go on and on, but we’ve already wasted too much time on him. for once i can say it has been a pleasure, so i will forego childish name calling, this time.