i’m 24 today. woot. so what do i want, you ask? an electric guitar, money for rent and loans, maybe a nice meal from the falafel stand. you know, 24-year old person stuff.

but part of me still wants the same gift i wanted since i was ten. somebody who enjoys playing with gi joes as much as me.

these kids in the commercial loved playing with each other! they probably came up with awesome war strategies like hasbro phalanxes and kenner blitzkriegs to bring lifelike realism to playtime. sorry jason sherman, former friend: cobra commander does NOT intermingle with teenage mutant ninja turtles, or live inside my bucket of ghostbusters slime. that is specifically for my ghostbusters hq, and it is finite, so don’t waste it!

why didn’t any of my friends have the enthusiasm of these kids? sure, sure, blame it on my concentration camp idea. i was just being true to history. lady j would never have survived that, so quit crying, billy maloney.

so, if anyone’s scrambling to mail me something, make it a kid who’s as into gi joes as i am. was. oh, what the hell, am!

alternative: this sgt. slaughter theme song changed to incorporate my name in clever ways:

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