before today, i had actually never seen the original animated transformers movie. i found it in my roommate’s dvd collection, so i decided to give it a go.

why the hell don’t i remember cartoons being this depressing? the movie opens with unicron devouring a planet, but not before we have to watch women and children try to run for their lives from a giant robot whom they know they can’t escape. let me say it again, we have to watch them die.

at least in star wars when they destroyed a planet, they spared us having to watch some six-year-old alderaanian boy pointing up at the sky asking his mommy “what’s that bright light?” and that’s just how the movie opens!

spoiler alert: after an epic battle with megatron, optimus prime dies. he fucking dies. pretty much all the other autobots die, too.  sure fine, they’re all just robots, but come on, when you embue a robot with a soul, it’s fucking sad when you kill him off.

i’m going to go watch the episode of fresh prince when uncle phil has a heart attack because it might put me in a slightly better mood.