no, there’s probably not going to be a sequel to this movie, let’s be frank. but if it did happen, i think i speak for my fellow cryptozoology fans when i say that disney would surely fuck up bigfoot again.

i know a goofy movie is a road trip piece, and like any work about traveling (huck finn, national lampoon’s vacation, the horribly overrated little miss sunshine), it’s episodic. fine. great. but mark twain didn’t tack on a throw-away chapter about a nessie-like beast living in the mississippi, now did he? no, mr. clemens had a little less disdain for his audience. he wrote about much more sensible things, like that wild west jumping frog that got forcefed buckshot.

don’t get me wrong: i love a goody movie. like seriously, it’s up there with the fly and planes, trains and automobiles. i could write forever about this movie. as a twelve year old kid who couldn’t connect with his father and wanted to pull off crazy dance moves based on a fishing technique foreshadowingly known as “the perfect cast,” this movie was practically tailored to me. i can only think of one person in my seventh grade class who didn’t chant “leaning tower of cheese-a” at pep rallies, and he was in jail. i dunno for what, but it was probably for not obsessively watching a goofy movie. this movie really stuck with me, too. not like some don bluth movie like rock-a-doodle. up until last week, i was convinced that to get a girl, i needed to be like max in this scene…

nevertheless, disney, you still gotta make this up to me. bigfoot was barely in that movie, and you need to know that my pre-adolescent mind was completely stunted by this, the first major cop out i’d experienced in my life. i want a fucking jersey devil as a foreign diplomat in princess diaries 3: anne’s eyes get bigger. the demon of dover as a pivotal urban game hunter in home on the range: chicago stories. a freakin’ coven of rat-sucking chupacabras in ratatouille. and — should the world be so lucky — if you ever make a sequel to a goofy movie, i want to see bigfoot totally derail whatever father-son bonding there is and take over that flick, got it?

oh, and reprise “after today,” okay? that song rocks.

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filed under disney, kid culture, movies: 90's

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