if you’d squander your time travelling powers on talking to benjamin franklin or stopping hitler’s rise to power, that’s a major bummer, dude. i’d be at radio city music hall with the ninja turtles. the real ninja turtles. the ones who appear live on stage. in a rock band! oh, and i’d bring them an anchovy and ashtray pizza — we’d be instant friends.

what? you’d bring penicillin to bubonic plague victims? hmm. i think you must be master splinter, cause you just made a funny!