i was always a lucky charms kid. you can’t appreciate the marshmallows in life without a handful of bland oats. it’s the same reason i liked going to church on christmas eve.

trix had a more sugary blandness to it. it didn’t have the explosion of faux-fruit sweet-blastin’ that fruity pebbles brought to the (breakfast) table, and it didn’t have the faux-healthy mom’s-lovin’-it that kix, its round ball cousin, provided. but what the shit. at least it wasn’t raisin bran. i enjoyed the fact that it was round, abstract, and not overly fruit-related.

oh, but vengeance from the oft-spurned trix fell swift and foul upon me. real fruit designs? that banana shaped lump still tastes like sweet, with a hint of yellow flavor. those trix-cluster grapes taste no more like anything real. raspberry, orange, and lime? all lies. why would you further malarkey the children with this bullshit fruit parallel?!

so i said farewell to my good friend, trix — well, not so much a “good” friend… more like a “friend” in homeroom, who i didn’t see for the rest of the day and didn’t really care about at all — and the hole left by trix was swiftly filled, by cookie crisp, a cereal whose design is not nearly as much of a lie. cookies and kid’s cereal are closely related. fruit and kid’s cereal?

just drop the image. you’re not fooling anybody.