no, i never had the power glove. nope, no NES advantage controller, either. and “worst of all,” no gyromite/ROB the robot/weird pipe things.  i regret those first two. but gyromite? please.

why do i need a robot to drop things predictably and at the pace of an M.S.-inflicted slug when my sister’s perfectly willing to do the same thing? besides, who wants to arrange pipes and robots before you can play a video game? setting things up is for camping, my friend.

oh, and nintendo? thanks so much for plaguing my childhood with brilliant commentary like, “oh, your name is rob? hahahaha. that’s like the robot. hahahaha. for NES. hahahaha.” russa frussa why-i-oughta. i coulda controlled red and blue pipes way better than that johnny 5 wannabe.