overtime writer rob asaro wishes you a very rob asaro christmas. his gift to you and your family? many articles on christmas, and this amazing clip of angela lansbury in 1996’s mrs. santa claus. you go, angela lansbury!

lately, i’ve been troubled over santa’s claus’ marriage. it’s a marriage built around false hope. think about it: the relationships itself is unusually formal, as santa claus never refers to his wife by first name. in addition, santa, who is about 1000 years old, has not considered retirement. most men his age would relish the opportunity to kick back and spend his last few years fishing or traveling. instead, santa claus takes on a full time job, most likely so that he can avoid the misses.

to speak frankly, santa himself is the most popular man in the word. he can have any woman he wants. santa is clearly powerful, rich and very successful — in essence, he is a catch. so why would he opt to stay in a marriage with a woman who doesn’t exactly keep herself up? her hair is matronly, she is clearly overweight, and i’m not sure what she looked like in her younger days, but she hasn’t aged well.

in many of the christmas specials, santa spends time speaking to his reindeer, snowman or sleeping children. he is starved for a personal connection, which he does not seem to have at home.

let me also add that he is no prize either. this isn’t entirely a mrs. claus issue. santa hasn’t spent a christmas eve with his wife in a millennium; he gets all the glory and fame, while she is reduced to hemming his coat and baking him cookies. if santa is so successful, why doesn’t he hire some live-in help, so mrs. claus can take a load off? if i was the misses, i imagine that i would be somewhat resentful.

all in all, i suppose no marriage is perfect, but it breaks my heart to see two people who clearly don’t love one another together.