superhuman samurai syber squad vs. the samurai pizza cats: battle of the rip offs!
| written by asterios on 11/22/06 | 3 comments |
“enjoy” the opening sequence to the samurai pizza cats.
did i watch these two shows as a kid? fucking-a i did. like most of america, my loyalty to the teenage mutant ninja turtles was total - therefore, any show that combined a martial arts discipline with three other random words was sure to get my attention. these two shows had that in spades.
the samurai pizza cats raises ripping off the ninja turtles to a zen-like art. hey kids, like ninjas? well you’re gonna love samurai’s, ’cause they’re also sword wielding asians! and you know how the turtles love pizza? well so do these fuckers, dumbass! now watch it, you don’t have a choice!
also: forty-one seconds into this video the pizza cats take a direct swipe at the ninja turtles, claiming that the pizza cats “got more fur than any turtle ever had,” and then showing a turtle get crushed by falling debris. that’s like the monkees going, “we’re better musicians than the beatles ever were,” then showing john lennon getting crushed by falling debris. it’s desperate and cheap, classless behavior from a classless rip-off.
the superhuman samurai syber squad isn’t as direct a rip-off as the pizza cats, but still owes a lot to the turtles. check out this video, for example:
see that little cock-knocker holding an electric guitar? he pretty much owes his entire attitude to the fucking ninja turtles. also: anyone in the 90’s declaring anything to be “radical,” you better thank your lucky fucking stars that michelangelo paved the way for you.
so, watch these two videos and you’ll aggree: these tv shows are so terrible that i hate myself!
filed under kid culture, tv kids shows: 90s
the traveling wilburys, or how george harrison spent his summer vacation
| written by dave on 11/22/06 | leave a comment |
i’m not going to bother you with a lot of commentary. you can see here a ramshackle warehouse somewhere in the middle of nowhere, usa. inside, tucked between the beams of light that pour through the holes in the walls, you will find a microphone. and around that microphone, you will find five men…
you will see jeff lynne from electric light orchestra. you will see tom petty. you’ll see roy orbison, bob dylan, and george harrison. and they’re just hanging out and throwing a quick jingle together.
the year was 1988 and we were but one pink floyd short of the apocalypse. had david gilmour and roger waters been in the room, i wouldn’t have to work a day job now. i would’nt have to worry about tsunamis, terror, or global warming killing off polar bears. i wouldn’t have had to watch my childhood die with the release of the shitty american godzilla. thanks a lot, you self-righteous british assholes.
filed under crossovers, music: 80s
exosquad: ratcheting up the body count for our enjoyment
| written by daroff on 11/21/06 | leave a comment |
episode 24: the first step. brilliance.
exosquad is a cartoon about war. more than that, it was a parable of world war 2. quick history: 50 years previous, the neosapian slave race rose up to free themselves from their human oppresors, until humans created exo frames to kick their asses, and now in the present, phaeton, the neosapian leader of mars, has used neosapians’ anger and feelings of inferiority to lead them into war against humans. see, exactly like world war 2. it’s history, look it up.
let’s rundown what it takes to put on the most epic war ever put to celluloid:
giant battle armor, each equipped with enough lasers, missiles, and grappling hooks to take out a small army. check.
a hitler-like ambitious, fascist villain who is also 10 feet-tall, super strong and has the ability to clone himself. check.
story lines dealing with the distrust, betrayal, loyalty, and the array of deep moral issues related to war, all told in a way children can easily understand. check.
the most spectacularly violent battle scenes ever. check. check. check. check. check.
having just watched all 52 episodes straight, i can say i have never in my life seen so much violence. there’s like a death quota for each episode, not to mention way too many scenes in hospitals where people have limbs blown off. hell, in an early episode they introduced a new character and killed her off in the span of a minute; then we spend the next two years
watching her commanding officer go through the guilt of her death. just watch this one episode and know the body count is relatively low. what were these people thinking? do they really think young boys want to watch this level of carnage?
holy crap is this show awesome!
filed under tv kids shows: 90s
what’s it like to play the nintendo entertainment system?
| written by geoffrey on 11/21/06 | leave a comment |
this weekend i got a wii, and it reminded me of what it was like to first play the nintendo entertainment system.
and what was it like to play the nintendo entertainment system?
that’s right. your house blasted off into space, due to the awesomeness of gyromite.
seriously, though. the wii is amazing. also seriously — i miss r.o.b..
filed under video games: nintendo
a look at kids: the stable 50s and the roarin’ 80s
| written by dave on 11/20/06 | leave a comment |
take a look at those 1950s kids…
then take a jump to the 1980s and ask yourself… “what the fuck was in the water?”
holy era-defining video clips, batman!
see how those little 1950s kids were so still, so obedient (so completely unaware that their cracked-nut mother was launching knives at their heads)… and then you see those 1980s kids, our generation, who were supposed to stand still for one brief shot and they frolic about like cracked out, steroidal monkeys? our generation throws the fucking knives, ma!
as we approach thanksgiving, it’s time to give thanks: we give thanks to washed-out 1980s-style home video. Without you, how would we remember how square our relatives were? we give thanks to creepy “uncle mark,” who captured the 80s on video. “uncle mark” goes by many names, but he always lingers a little too long on one of our aunts. here’s to him!
but most of all, we give thanks to television! without tv, we wouldn’t have been the cracked out, steroidal monkeys that we were. flashy flashy image flash! i wanna jump on a couch and scream.
oh, the good ole days.
filed under kid culture
adventures of pete & pete: everything you ever wanted to know about ellen!
| written by asterios on 11/20/06 | leave a comment |

check out this awesome self-interview from allison fanelli, “ellen hickle” from the adventures of pete & pete, at the site of x.ado, the awesome christian acapella group she’s in.
filed under nickelodeon, uncategorized










