the ’80s were a freakin’ scary time to be a kid. we weren’t watching episodes of leave it to beaver or some sugary delight like miracle on 34th street. we watched weird fucking vultures, one-eyed freaks, and enough terrifying muppets to kill off an entire generation of children with weak hearts.

did i like this movie as a kid? of course. but from a distance. i didn’t *avoid* shit that would make me wet myself, but i didn’t run to it either. i saw the vulture things on the box, and i said, “shit… those things look fucking rad. but they’ll probably make me cry out my own urine and blood through my eyes… i guess i’ll just watch it once.”

whelp, my prophecy came true and i was forever scarred, but it was worth it. i’d say the same for living through the ’80s.

one last note: it has come to my attention that throughout michael jackson’s adult life, he’s been slowly trying to become a gelfling. discuss.