[ed. note: not one, but two of overtime's writers -- asterios and dave -- have decided to take on this astounding macy's day parade float from the 80's, which features all your favorite marvel comics characters, as well as power man.  excelsior!]

asterios:

holy lord, where do i start… well, first, that’s definitely the music from “back to the future” playing for no good reason. that guy with the huge cowel: dr. strange…

ok, so at the top, doc strange summons captain america from a giant issue of “amazing spider man.” he says, “quick, captain america! wolverine needs your help!”

we pan up to wolverine, who’s getting his ass kicked by some lady in a mask… cap jumps in, but the lady gets away. here’s the most amazing part: after cap fights the lady in the mask for a full minute, he casually pushes magneto to the ground.

so there’s some more fighting… cap punches out dr. doom pretty easily, but whatever, it’s a parade float… here we go: at 1:36, cap just casually walks by the evil white queen to climb a tower. they even make eye contact, but don’t fight. i’m thinking, “jesus, white queen, if you’re not gonna use your psychic powers, at least throw a chunk of foam set at this guy!”

01:49 - after 10 seconds of boring climbing, cap yells, “up to your old tricks again, hulk?” now this next part’s actually cool - the hulk weakly slams his fists into a “building”, affecting it not at all. then, he lifts the entire building up.

seriously. and it looks awesome.

after that, some more shitty fighting… eventually, cap throws hulk into dr. doom and the green goblin, and everyone takes a bow.

dave:

“up to your old tricks again… hulk?!”

oh my sweet lost 1980s… only within you could captain america throw the hulk into the waiting arms of green goblin and dr. doom with the theme from back to the future playing in the background… the true wonder years? i’d say so.

and when people say, “oh those dreadful comic books are so terribly violent,” just have them watch captain america’s pussy uppercut in that clip. violent? i’ve seen daisies behind a puppy’s ear that’re more violent than that. not to say captain america’s a pansy or anything… but he’s a pansy.

that doesn’t stop this from being the single best float ever to float. this is the kind of thing my friends and i used to pretend to do during recess, except there were usually dinosaurs too. if you’d asked me then, i would’ve told you straight out: i wanted to be one panel of a comic book brawl when i grew up.

there’s still time. there’s still time…