i was surprised to learn from overtime’s john ford last week, that there was a more “boy-centric” version of troll dolls. called stone protectors, they played in a band and liked to “get vertical.” the hilarious thing here isn’t the uber-soulless marketing behind the cartoon, but just the overall concept itself. i mean, why do they need to sell trolls to boys? they don’t sell barbies to boys, or g.i. joes to girls. and that’s the way america likes it! kids, if a girl wants to play g.i. joes with you, scream “DYKE” at her until she runs away crying! that’ll show her.

the troll people just got greedy. they had a perfectly good girl fad, and they decided to try for more of the sweet, sweet money pie. well, i hope the stone protectors are wearing stuff to protect them, cause the x-men on fox are gonna kick them in their “stones,” then shove adamantium claws through their fat faces!