“this could be the worst night of your lives,” said the most fucked-up-looking old man ever animated to the hapless garfield and odie. and he was right.

that old man haunts my dreams, and every time lightning flashes, he’s there — sitting in the corner of my room, telling me to shut up and warning me about the approach of dreadful pirate-ghosts! but then i take my medication and things calm down a bit.

garfield’s halloween adventure, technically titled garfield in disguise (wtf? is he a transformer now?), is the most frightening and depressing cartoon i’ve ever seen. when garfield sings a song about not being scared and he’s pulling masks off “kids” and discovering that they’re really monsters, etc… that’s scary. and when he and odie are lost on the river and he sighs and mutters about how useless he is… that’s depressing. ’cause it’s true, and we’ve all been failures as pirates, so we know how he feels.

halloween is supposed to be a time for laughing as pretty teenagers get murdered in increasingly creative ways; it’s not a time for soul-searching, garfullofshit. however, i do agree with him on one thing: candy kicks ass! but i’m concerned that garfield might have a case of the diabetes…

way to keep depressing me, garfield. god. no wonder nobody likes you.