video: four time canadian champion kurt browning, ice dancing as frankenstein to the monter mash.
remember in 1992, when everybody suddenly cared about figure skating? thank god that’s over.

of course, people were more interested in the nancy kerrigan/tonya harding scandal and less interested in athletic skill and worldly competition. but this is america folks, so deal with it - now get me another milkshake!

once nancy kerrigan totally failed her country and only got the olympic bronze medal, everybody forgot about figure skating. but you know what would have kept the public’s interest? if they let frankenstein enter figure skating competitions!

the rigor mortis in his legs would prevent his kness from wobbling - maintaining a graceful stance on the ice (not to mention - a perfect ten from the judges). also, there’s no way he would be hurt from an ambush to the kneecap. nice try, jeff gillooly - next time, don’t mess with a super-strong monster!

while we’re at it, we should replace all figure skaters with monsters! that’s so much more interesting than what they’ve got now. who wants to watch an event with a bunch of prissy figure skaters? women?! last time i checked, we didn’t have to create events for women - they just need to sit back and enjoy what i enjoy - and i enjoy monsters slipping and slopping on the ice!

now somebody find me a girlfriend!