since it is the spoooooooky month of “shock”-tober (not to be confused with the gang violence-themed month of “glock”-tober), the boys and ghouls (titter titter) of horror will be coming out of the night and onto the pages of this blorrifying blog! today, we shall begin with a childhood terror beyond any other: killer klowns from outer space!

once upon a time, i was strolling through a rural haunted mansion attraction in the scenic (albeit fearsome) countryside of pennsylvania when, after passing through the black-carpet walled hallway of doom, i entered the ghastly strobe-light-flickering foyer of fright! and what did i see in the corner of that seizure-inducing room? it was a clown… it wasn’t moving, but that didn’t fool me. i knew, somehow, that a clown in the strobe light room of a haunted mansion was most likely up to no good. but i had to move forward… i had to get past it… and as i tip-toed by, it reached for me ——

killer klowns from outer space is a film where clowns from outer space wrap people in cotton candy that kills them, or something more complex than that. see it.

——- now, back to the story! the hand — that awful, white-painted hand — reaching for my poor, frail, quivering frame! creeping, it came, across the slow motion time warp of the rapid fire strobe lights and surging adrenaline and the present melted away… without my concious knowledge in that dark instant, that one clown hand formed then into an eternity of clown hands, always drifting, slowly, imperceptibly, toward my doomed, frozen body…

whelp, to make a long story short, the actors can’t touch you in those haunted whatevers, so i kept walking and i’m still alive to this day.

or am i? [the sounds of clown-like laughter echo through the night]