once upon a time, we lived in a world without movie trailer voice overs. i know; it must’ve sucked horse balls. you can see these pale, lifeless ads in dvd special features for old movies, but if you do, you’ll probably stop believing in god. that is simply because don lafontaine is god.

the earlier post about “five men in a limo” wasn’t enough to convey my intense longing to steal his voice away and keep it in a jar by my bed so that it could read chapters of east of eden to me before sleep. so watch that clip, and you too will want nothing more than an aquarium full of happy, swimming lafontaine voices proclaiming random things at you throughout your day. i’d give him my last ten dollars and a kidney or two to read to me every book r.l. stine ever wrote. unfortunately, i’d probably be dead halfway through say cheese and die!

and definitely stick around until the end of the clip for some of the worst news people banter i’ve ever heard. holy shit, if he dismissed her any faster, she’d be at recess for the rest of her life. news people suck at being human. i think we should replace them all with don lafontaines - for god delivered the news, and the news was good…