if you are jewish, you might go to synagogue today and ask god for forgiveness. what will you ask god to forgive you for? greed? lying? bribery?!? none of those are important. at all.

there are many jewish households without dvd box sets of pinky and the brain or the critic. i ask, if you are one of these lost souls, that you pray on this today. maurice lamarche’s orson welles impression is hilarious and unmatched — and you had all year to say so youself. you needed to appreciate this pea commercial, in addition to the voice of the brain. if you didn’t marvel at them both, you have sinned in the eyes of the lord. (you’ve also earned 50 shame points.)

god is upset with you. however, if you apologize, god will be less ticked off, and will be more likely to call you in the future, if he wants to hang out. amen.

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