Okay, seriously. Where can I buy the Grandma Moses t-shirt? Where? Someone is selling it, and I want one. In this day and age, with all the computers bopping around, this ought to take two seconds. Bada Boom. Still no shirt. Can anyone out there hook me up?

this is part one of two in my tiny toons parody blogs. “samarai slugs” is one of the first times i remember feeling the conflict between tv shows. ninja turtles, a powerful action giant, and tiny toons, the spiteful underdog. tiny toons was not alone — one episode of garfield and friends begins with the orange furry asshole saying, “just think of me as a samarai ninja pussycat.” all three of these shows were successful, but if there’s one thing comedy writers hate, it’s anyone else’s success. can you feel the disdain? it’s all in plucky’s overzealous appreciation and hamlet’s ‘coo-coo’ hand gesture.

however, on to more important things. Did you find my t-shirt yet? i’ll also accept picasso or a group picture. they could all be sliming the salt guy at the same time. that t-shirt would be the only thing i’d ever pay $18 for.