i’ve never read any of the works of v.c. andrews, because the only people who read her books are teenage girls (and i’m a boy [not a girl {seriously}]). but here’s the thing: even if i was a girl, i wouldn’t ever have to read these books because the covers tell you pretty much everything you need to know. that cover’s creepier than finding out your uncle went to jail. and the cover’s so creepy that the book’s probably just one line repeated over and over: “hey, 12 year old asterios reading your sisters copy of this - BOO!”

my older sister elaini had, like, a hundred of her books, and they were the reason i never snooped around in her room. example: i’m looking around for her diary, hoping to score some dirt, and i get “Pearl in the Mist”

fucking frightening - what’s wrong with that girl? why can’t she get out of that window? is it ’cause the house is a ghost, and that window is a zombie?

look - v.c. andrews’ novels are even frightening in german!

well, to be fair, everything’s frightening in german.