commercials used to have jingles, and commercials for kids had the most psychotically catchy jingles of all. people who have seen ads for pizza bagels and “my buddy” know exactly what i’m talking about. either the jingles were designed by evil scientists who knew the exact formula for infiltrating a child’s mind via song (very likely), or we were just more impressionable in those years (very unlikely - we were all geniuses as children). it doesn’t matter — these songs continue to kick my ass, decades after they originally aired.

one jingle has sunk deeper into my brain than any other, though, and that is the song for the game “connect four.” i don’t think i’ve actually ever played a game of connect four. however, because i’ve sung or hummed this song so many times to myself, i feel like i’m a “connect four” pro tour campion, and that i’m so good, the pieces come to life in a hilarious way.

there’s no getting rid of that song in my head. like the game piece says, “forget it, you’re stuck.” how right you are, game piece. sure, it might be a “good time for the great taste of McDonalds,” and yes, you can play “Putt-Putt for the fun of it,” but those things require leaving the house. if you’re in front of the tv subconsciously memorizing commercials, you’re being lazy, so you’re gonna do something that doesn’t require getting a dumb adult to drive their stupid car.

so i went for the glory, and i went for the score. of course, i never really did, but god dammit, i might as well have.