video: a commercial for the sgt. slaughter action figure, staring sgt. slaughter.
history tells us that our greatest heroes are born out of the most dire of circumstances. this lesson was proven yet again when wwf wrestler sgt. slaughter temporarily left the world of sports entertainment to conquer the threat of cobra-la.

in 1986 (exactly 20 years ago!) dr. mindbender, an evil scientist under cobra employ, was able to successfully extract the dna of famous historical military leaders and create a new super-soldier, which he named serpentor.* that was bad enough. but then he invented an air chariot and a snake suit, and shit really hit the fan. it wasn’t long before serpentor wrested control of cobra away from cobra commander. war broke out. i was 6.

meanwhile our best hope, the g.i. joe team, was crumbling from within. years of fighting an inept enemy had taken their toll, and the joes had grown soft. roadblock went blind. duke’s half brother falcon was a retard.

but along came slaughter, leader of the mercenary team “the renegades,” to quell the crisis of confidence that plagued the joes. cobra was defeated, serpentor vanquished (temporarily), and sgt. slaughter took his rightful place among the pantheon of g.i. joe greats.

that is, until he rejoined the WWF, and became an iraqi sympathizer during gulf war I (true story). but thats a tale for another post. good night, america.

* for a complete list of the genetic templates used in serpentor’s creation, please visit the wikipedia page on serpentor.