hey, wrestling promoters, wanna know how to alienate every male fan you have over the age of 14? take some pretty boy, and give him a gimmick in which he lives the lifestyle of the popular music of today. nothing will make fans support heel wrestlers more than the hysterical screams of women and children.

wait a minute, you’re probably saying, you’re just describing white hip-hop wrestler John Cena, beloved by women and children nationwide, that’s not from the past at all.

well, meet the original object of my scorn, the rock and roll express. everyone knew that they were just a pussy version of the fabulous freebirds to begin with, with their whitesnake clothes and their family safe, elvis-esque entrance music, but to paint them as rivals and equals to the godlike midnight express? fie on that, nwa-jim crockett promotions; it was bullshit and you know it.