simple fact: no one can honestly say they’ve never wanted to ride a dinosaur. ever since the first discovery of the fossilized remains of enormous lizards, mankind has wondered, “could i ride them, given the invention of giant metal brain-controlling dino-helmets?”

the answer is “yes,” and it — shall — be — good! now imagine, if you will, the american dream, which is a bunch of stuff about happiness and crap but also it is about being amazingly awesome at beating people in fights. with soldiers riding dinosaurs into battle, i would venture to say that our country would be unstoppable, and incredibly retro-stylish. so, michael crichton, you’d better get down into those caves and get us some amber-coated mosquitoes a.s.a.p.

admittedly, i remember the toys more than the show, ’cause, when i got that huge battery-powered t-rex and the little frog-headed guy and hammerhead-headed guy to ride it, my life was complete. that was some time in the late 80s or early 90s, so i don’t know why i’m still here…

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