there was a time when the 900 number was the most cutting edge technology on earth. these numbers put us in direct communication with teen celebrities, cartoon characters, and also… our deepest fears. lets see your apple IIgs do that. it can’t!

at the same time, there was no one more frightening than freddy krueger. this wasn’t just some dick in a hockey mask — he could invade your dreams and kill you! let’s see your apple IIgs do that. it can’t! (unless you’re a really good BASIC programmer)

when i saw this commercial as a kid, late at night when my sister was watching me, i did not appreciate how retarded the term “dead time stories” was. i do remember being frightened to death that freddy had a phone number, and if i called it, he might very well invade my dreams. holy mother of shit.

but then i’d think — freddy is only a movie character. but if that’s true, then how did he get a 900 number? how?! damn it, every time I find the answers, freddy changes the questions!