it’s very rare when my soccer obsession intersects with the rest of my life, but during the 94-95 season this incident pulled the trick off. eric cantona, manchester united superstar, makes a mad dash for the stands and kung fu kicks the shit out of a fan.

i knew something was up when the regular american media had soccer news, but never in my wildest imagination did i expect something so hilarious to grace the television.

eric cantona was given an eight month ban for the incident, which as a liverpool fan, made me happy enough, but this whole thing also had some great subplots.

1. cantona vs. the fan: cantona claimed the fan said ‘fuck off back to france you french motherfucker!’ the fan claimed he said ‘off you go cantona! it’s an early shower for you.’ clearly, someone is lying.

2. my french teacher, a recent romanian immigrant, sternly condemned the incident.

3. the older woman fleeing in terror from the whole thing as cantona turns in her direction, fueling her ‘he’s going to do me next’ panic attack.

if more than three people out of everyone i knew in 1995 had any earthly idea what i was talking about, this would have made for some good times.