if you ask me what the best movie of all time is, i’d say “none of your damn business!” eventually once you earn my trust, i’d tell you that its john carpenter’s “big trouble in little china.” it has everything that i could ask for in a movie: kung-fu, martial arts, and kim cattrall.

because it’s my favorite movie, that gives me the authority to declare that the music video for “big trouble’s” theme song is earth’s greatest piece of art! john carpenter simultaneously edits the film and fights lo pan, who is trying to escape the movie. not to mention carpenter’s rockin’ out on the bass the whole time. and my film teacher tell me i’m supposed to respect stanley kubrick?!

if there is one thing that gets teenage girls hot, it’s a 42 year-old action-horror director, with a weirdly deep singing voice. that has to be true because carpenter’s video has always given me exactly what i want. specifically the shot from the film, where the thunder god explodes with anger. man, if there was a way to make an animated tattoo, i would get that exploding thunder god on my back, over and over again. because when that guy blew up, it was the coolest thing ever that i wasn’t supposed to see. (2nd coolest thing: kim cattrall naked)