the plan today was to write about eggo waffles. they’re delicious, could be prepared in six seconds and you could eat them on the school bus - that’s all i ever want out of a food! i went on youtube to find an eggo commercial, and alls i found were videos like this.

a message to all 15 year old girls: quit lip synching to songs while wearing tank tops and short shorts. so many of you are doing this that you’re going to crash the internet.

look, i don’t have a problem with 15 year old girls in workout clothes jumping around - in fact, i co-chaired the committee that approved those videos in the first place. but the internet, like your iPod shuffles, only has so much space. at the rate you’re recording videos of yourselves singing the black eyed peas in your kitchens with your BFFs the internet will stop functioning in six days.

what has two thumbs and is working on saving us all? this guy.