Mario was impossible to find. That should have been a warning on the commercial - it would have saved me a lot of grief as a child.

The Truth: No McDonald’s happy meal ever had a Mario toy. Everytime I got a Happy Meal in 1989, I was disappointed to find another Para Troopa in my “magic box” (in the ad, Ronald calls his Happy Meal a “magic box,” which was also his nickname for his vagina).

Actually, the Para Troopa was pretty cool, but I’ll tell you what was NOT cool: McDonald’s hoarding the Mario toys. They flooded their Happy Meals with fatty foods, Para Troopas, and lies.

And we suffered in silence.